


the Clumsy Shinobi and the Mushroom Princess

by the17thmuse



Series: Hatake Agricultural Adventures [12]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Misgendering, Unrequited Love, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:41:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21900364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the17thmuse/pseuds/the17thmuse
Summary: (Read "the Secret Memoirs of a Shinobi" first.)a one-sided love tale of Seikan Senju and Sakumo Hatake(Or: the first of the many times Sakumo was mistaken as female)
Relationships: Uchiha Obito's Father/Uchiha Obito's Mother, onesided Hatake Sakumo/Uchiha Obito's Father
Series: Hatake Agricultural Adventures [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1487342
Kudos: 30





	the Clumsy Shinobi and the Mushroom Princess

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline-wise, this starts with Seikan at six years old and Sakumo at four, and ends right at that ill-fated mission where Sakumo saved his comrades and got captured in return. (Yes, that particular mission that maybe started the Second Shinobi War, that lead to his suicide in canon. But the circumstances are very different here and Kakashi isn't even born yet.)

Seikan Senju was always a screw-up when it came to Sakumo Hatake. It's a sad and repeatedly proven fact. He never really meant any harm or anything. Things just seem to get awry with Seikan on one end and Sakumo on the other.

It started like this.

He was six years old when they first met. A mix of clan and clanless children had been planning on playing ninja, and their mission that day involved fighting in a castle. However, they were missing a princess to rescue. 

Everyone agreed that the _hime_ should be very pretty—

"The most prettiest," came the agreement from Koichi. 

"...with the longest and softest hair," Hanami added.

"...and the most beautiful eyes..." dictated Sei.

—but none of them quite fit the very high standards they had established.

"This is stupid," Satoshi Nara spoke up. "We already have a real princess with us. Tsunade-chan can be our _hime_ to rescue."

Tsunade Senju pouted and crossed her arms. "No. I won't do it. I want to be a ninja and rescue the _hime_ too. You go find someone else." She made shooing motions at him.

Seikan groaned. "You don't act like one anyway," he told the Shodaime's granddaughter and his many times removed cousin, which earned him a punch he barely dodged. "Hey, Sei, what did your mother say about princesses again?"

"Well, kaasan said they should be 'demure' and 'graceful'...oh, and should always have their face covered with a veil," Sei concluded.

Seikan perked up; that sounded very familiar. "Like the Hatake do?"

"Um...something like that, but in much, much more nicer looking clothes."

"They're farmers. A retainer clan under the Senju," Tsunade said. "We can't just steal one away to play with us. They might be busy and can't waste any time doing nothing but sit around pretending to be a captive _hime_."

And there went their last hope. Satoshi flopped on the ground, unhappy.

Koichi turned to the only other girl in their play group. "If it's alright with you, Hanami, maybe you can be a kunoichi next time—" 

"Sorry for interrupting," Shinsui Uchiha said, suddenly poking his head out of some bushes and eliciting a half-scream from Seikan. "But I know a Hatake who can play with you."

"Aren't you supposed to be with Oni-en right now?" Tsunade asked.

The Uchiha shrugged. "Well, Senju-hime, some of us were tending to the flower gardens near here and you guys were so loud I could hear everything from there." Hanami blushed the moment she looked at him, causing Sei to narrow his eyes at the newcomer.

Satoshi sat up. "What's this about a Hatake?"

"As I was saying, Sakumo broke an ankle and will make a perfect princess—" 

"Bring her here," the Nara interjected. "I can't take any more of this."

After Shinsui nodded and disappeared from the leaves to fetch their princess, someone asked, "...Isn't Sakumo a little weird to be a girl's name?"

"I don't care." Satoshi was being a little rude, but the others were too happy to complain. They have a _hime_ now and Seikan was especially excited to play.

Shinsui came back not long after, carrying a much smaller child in his arms. He set her down and Seikan took his first look at Sakumo and...she had the longest and prettiest hair he had ever seen. It went past the tiny shoulders and back in a loose braid, and was easily longer than both Tsunade and Hanami's hair put together. (She was also very small, especially compared to him, but then the adults say that Senju children are really big for their age, so Sakumo must be tinier than a normal child.)

The Senju was captivated. Then his clumsy feet decided to ruin the moment and cause him to face-plant into the ground. (Except his face didn't land on the ground as much as it was the rock with Sakumo perched on it. And so the Hatake ended up with a lap full of Seikan's squished face.)

Sakumo squeaked in surprise. "Un...are you alright?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he called out, quickly jumping to his feet and holding out a dirty hand. "Hi! I'm Seikan Senju...and you're Sakumo Hatake. I haven't seen you in the village. Have you played ninja out here before?"

The Hatake shook her head. And in the next few minutes, Seikan learned that Sakumo is bad at gardening and farming anything except mushrooms (something about 'spores' loving her hair so much a ring of mushrooms grows around her when she forgets to go home and sleeps outdoors overnight), that she broke her ankle trying to help with trimming the really tall Hashirama trees, and that this is her first time playing out with people who are not clan, or volunteers from Oni-en, or Dara-sama (whoever he is). 

Satoshi then interrupted, berating Seikan to stop sweet-talking their princess because they have enough time to talk later _after_ they rescue her.

Seikan scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "You just sit there and be our magic mushroom _hime_ , okay?" 

" _Mushroom hime?!_ But I'm..." Sakumo bit her lip and sighed. " Never mind. What do I have to do once I get rescued?"

"Um...the princess always gives a favor like a kiss or a ribbon..." Seikan blushed. "Ah...just follow my lead when I get to you."

"Ah. Okay."

Seikan got to the castle first and was the one to rescue AND receive a _kiss_ from the _hime_ , of course. He bragged about it all the way home where he was informed that all Hatake are considered male unless stated otherwise. 

So he got kissed by a boy. Oops. 

They could still be friends, right? 

(Tsunade taunted him about being such a loser, to which he replied that Sakumo was too pretty to be a boy anyway, so he'll always be a secret princess to him.)

Sakumo went beet red and almost forgot to breathe after he said it the next morning. (And that proved that Seikan somehow always messed up, it seemed, whenever it came to the Hatake. It practically became the defining pattern of their relationship, but for some reason Sakumo seemed to admire him all the more for it.) 

He was twelve and Sakumo was ten when they ended up in Team Kagami with Umehana Uchiha. It was one of the best and worst times of his life, going on a few crazy and weird adventures with his best friend Sakumo, a silent but ever present support always following him in life no matter the obstacle.

The Hatake even became his wing-man when it came to the Senju's decision of wooing Umehana. Sakumo had gotten teary-eyed, which frightened Seiken at first but he said they were happy tears, the Hatake just received some news about his father and was feeling a little off, is all. (Sakumo is his closest friend; he wouldn't _lie_ to him.)

Then came marriage and then his sweet darling son Obito. And Seikan and Sakumo...drifted apart over the years, busy with separate priorities and missions. But they always tried to keep track of the other, the clumsy shinobi forever pulling his mushroom princess by the hand as they flee the castle since the former was six and the latter was four.

Seikan thought that their bond would last forever, and that he would do Sakimo right one day. But the chance never came.

The next (and last) time they met again, during the war, Sakumo was covered in the blood of their pursuers, and Seikan and his surviving teammates weren't doing so well from their extended detainment, and the enemy was closing in on them. Fast. 

The Hatake, wearing an expression he couldn't quite decipher, gave a soft lingering kiss on his forehead before handing them the last of his supplies of weapons and rations. Told him to return to his wife and son, who both need him. And with that, Seikan knew Sakumo wasn't going to follow him home. Not this time. 

(His princess didn't need him anymore.)

**Author's Note:**

> Damn it. This Seikan and Sakumo piece was supposed to be all happy and ridiculous and cute. I have no idea where all this heartbreak came from. Grr. 
> 
> **Warnings:** misgendering, silliness, angst, unrequited love
> 
>  **Roster:**  
>  Seikan (space between stars) [星間] - Obito's non-Uchiha parent and Sakumo's teammate  
> Koichi (fortune-one) [幸一] - one of Seikan's Senju cousins  
> Hanami (flower-not yet) [華未] - a civilian girl  
> Sei (momentum) [勢] - a boy from a merchant family   
> Satoshi (logical) [論] - a boy from the Nara clan  
> Shinsui (deep water) [深水] - Shoga Hatake's slash-and-burn Uchiha partner in Oni-en   
> Umehana (sea blossom) [海花] - Obito's mother and wife of Seikan


End file.
